I don't make a habit of whining/complaining on my blog but I can't resist it today. If you don't want to read it, I won't be offended.
When I was younger, I loved Christmas/December/my birthday (which is Dec. 30). It was my favorite time of the year. Over the past several years the holiday has lost its luster. It started when my grandfather began getting sick on my 12th birthday. He would lose his battle with cancer less 2 years later. Things were never the same after he passed away and the holidays were always bittersweet.
Then, a day before my 21st birthday my father was diagnosed with cancer. He would go on to fight and beat the disease but getting that kind of news when we did forever changed my feelings toward the time of year because every year afterwards, December meant 1 year checkups when the doctors would run a battery of medical tests on my dad and we'd wait to hear whether he was still cancer free. The "best" time was when he had his tests on Christmas Eve and we had to wait until after the holiday to learn whether he was healthy or not. But, as I said, things did work out and he remains cancer free.
Just as he reached his "5 year" mark, our health worries turned toward my grandmother who was, at that time, getting into the more advanced stages of Alzheimer's Disease. In 2003, during the last "family Christmas" it was clear that she wouldn't be in her home for another. The past 3 years, we spent Christmas morning in the nursing home visiting her and seeing her fall further and further into the chasms of the disease. On Christmas day 2004 she turned to my mother (her daughter) and said "Who are you?"
This year, as I started seeing the stores put out decorations and hearing Christmas tunes on the radio, I tried to put aside the "Scrooge" inside me. I knew Christmas this year would be hard, as this year our dog Tobe died and the BEST part of Christmas was always watching him tear into his presents and shred the paper. He loved it so much. I know the day will be so different without him to push away the bad memories.
Well, today I learned my father had been laid off from his job and that he has no idea if or when he'll be called back. I'm, to be perfectly frank, pissed off. My parents had to deal with so many hardships that this seems extremely unfair. My dad is less than 2 years away from "retirement age" and I know the last thing he wants to do is start pounding the pavement and looking for a new job. He had a great job at an area business, but they closed down around 2 years ago because they couldn't compete with competition from China. When he landed this new position, we all breathed a sigh of relief thinking it would carry him into retirement, but now that has changed too due to the slumping economy. So, my parents go into the holidays filled with worry and uncertainty.
Yep, I hate this time of year.
Labels: Life
